Guilt and its corresponding feeling of guilt can affect our attitude towards our own skiing. Although we tend to feel in harmony with ourselves and ski according to our abilities, in certain situations feelings of failure can lead to self-rejection. The three basic components of the feeling of guilt are fear of punishment, lack of self-esteem, and the feeling of rejection.
It may happen that, sometimes, we feel demanded by our partner, our children, our group of friends, our instructor/coach, or the conditions of the terrain. These demands can give rise to feelings of guilt in terms of “It would have been better to continue skiing with them”; “I should have been in a better physical condition to make better use of the day”; or “I should improve my technique to enjoy the same slopes as the others”. This type of internal monologue using ‘would have’ and ‘should have’ encourages self-reproach.
Guilt, understood as self-reproach, arises when, in some skiing situations, we are not encouraged and make decisions forced by others, who do not allow us to ‘be’, which unconsciously produces a resistance to take charge of the situation. To face our own guilt is generally to face ourselves under a cloak of apprehension for not being encouraged to do something we are not convinced of. There is a relationship here between the desired and the feeling of guilt as to what is wanted but not encouraged.
Guilt may also appear when we rethink that the actions we perform do not comply with the assigned social ideals. During life, we unconsciously incorporate social mandates and expectations that others (parents, friends, partner) place on ourselves and, consequently, this leads to the belief that we must comply with these ‘standards of perfection’, which often causes self-reproach and remorse because we evaluate ourselves according to the expectations of others.
The feeling of guilt can be beneficial or detrimental. It is beneficial when we use it to regulate incorrect actions; but it is detrimental when we feel that we should have done something we did not do, or did it in a wrong way for our standards and pretensions, in this case, the feeling becomes a psychological torment.
Psychologist Celia Antonini considers that the feeling of guilt collaborates in the moderation between right and wrong, helping to differentiate between good and bad behavior. She recognizes that it is healthy to allow ourselves to feel a certain level of guilt as it contributes to our mental and emotional balance.
It is common to associate guilt with regret, especially when it is intended to remedy or compensate for an alteration, as we recognize that the actions performed were not well executed and that we could have done it better. Guilt, as a feeling, can be considered a normal aspect up to a certain intensity which it is part of learning. As we gain understanding of the process of acquiring technical skills, we also develop the concept of what is right and what is wrong, i.e., we begin to acquire a sense of responsibility for our actions.
Therefore, when we act outside the limits that we consider ‘correct’ and recognize it, we are generally invaded by that feeling of guilt, failure, or omission from which breeds the tendency to condemn ourselves for committing technically incorrect actions. This feeling originates, in many cases, in early childhood in terms of how parents manage their children’s mistakes by making them feel guilty. Constantly reproaching mistakes does not generate correction and can lead to lifelong self-blame. In these cases, generally due to lack of knowledge, the fault lies with the adults on how to point out the mistake, which should be under a formative perspective. It should be taken into account that it is impossible not to make a mistake in skiing and that many skiers make the same mistake more than once.
Guilt can also be attributed to our own guilty personality or to our self-demand, which becomes an unconscious habit that generates stress, tending to inhibit future attempts and progress. To perceive that we ski differently from others, to do something that others do not agree with, to hear recurrent criticism, or to provoke frequent incidents fosters guilt. To become aware of this state, we should develop compassionate recognition, i.e., reflect on what we can do with the resources we have.
In certain cases, guilt is so heavy that it leads to helplessness, forming a barrier that is difficult to overcome and limiting our freedom to act. Skiing under the oppression of guilt not only hinders but also prevents us from continuing to learn, while working on it through self-acceptance and placing it in a proper context liberalizes it.
To free ourselves from guilt is to recover breath that is transformed into relief, therefore, before feeling guilty it is preferable to feel responsible. The professor of psychophysiology Daniel López Rosetti maintains that the ideal would be to replace guilt with responsibility, where the former tends to hinder and cling to what should have been done, while the latter points towards the future in terms of what we can do to change the present.
Generally, the difficulty lies in the fact that the guilt we feel is because of the symptoms we experience without getting to the root of the conflict. To free ourselves from the feeling of guilt, we should first recognize the harmful effects it produces and find a virtuous alternative. Of course, the guilt formed over time does not disappear immediately. If we cannot free ourselves from our guilt, then it is propitious to seek support from someone professionally trained on the matter.
Different types of guilt
Guilt is considered a healthy feeling when it is related to constructive self-criticism, warning of the need to rectify behaviors.
The following types are recognized:
- Normal guilt is a call to conscience and is healthy when it acquires an adequate level but when it reaches values that exceed what is sensible, then it becomes pathological o traumatic.
- Pathological guilt, which comes from distorted and dysfunctional thoughts and beliefs that provoke remorse. Here, the skier assiduously self-recriminates, almost as a permanent punishment, leading him to feel guilty for not being able to feel or act like others. Pathological guilt, which can become a constant deficit in one’s own skiing, gradually degrades the self-esteem of the sufferer.
- Traumatic guilt is part of pathological guilt. In this case, the skier experiences an intense emotional impact generated by an acute, coincidental event for which he develops the feeling of guilt.
- Psychological guilt can be differentiated from constructive grief. In the former, the skier blames himself for, for example, not skiing well or for having acted badly in a certain situation. Here the concern converges on the Self in terms of feeling like a failure or devaluing oneself for one’s behavior. In constructive grief, the concern is oriented towards others when, for example, causes harm to another person. In this context the disturbance is not toward oneself but toward the harm caused to others.
- Survivor guilt is perhaps the cruelest feeling of guilt. It corresponds to the survivor of a tragedy, for example, an avalanche with fatalities, for which the skier blames himself by the following traumatic statement, especially if the deceased was a friend or relative: “I should have died in his place”. This feeling is very hard because the skier who suffers it feels pain for what happened and persists with the self-condemnation even after a long time, particularly in the moments of making, again, a descent down a similar off-piste.
Another example, although more superficial, is the guilt that appears when the skier thinks of others who are not there or who cannot enjoy the magnificent skiing that is taking place.
