Compassion is studied in the field of psychology, which has determined the benefits for mental and emotional health, as well as the influence on interpersonal and social relationships.
Self-compassion is the other side of self-criticism; it is our capacity to alleviate distress through the practice of self-kindness, self-benevolence, or self-complacency when experiencing disappointments; to understand that these experiences are part of being human and that other people experience them as well; and to observe negative thoughts with a non-judgmental awareness while avoiding over-identification with them, according to Kristin Neff. This psychologist and researcher proposes self-compassion as the healthy and benevolent attitude towards oneself and proposes three facets of this concept: self-kindness corresponds to being benevolent and understanding oneself by desiring one’s own well-being; common humanity in terms of being aware that experiences are shared by all human beings and that individual feelings of failure are not unique and disconnected from what others feel; and mindfulness applied to personal suffering in terms of being aware of psychological discomfort and dealing with the situation in a balanced way so that distressing feelings are neither avoided nor dramatized.
Recreational or competitive skiing is an activity loaded with challenges such as the evaluation of situations; stress under pressure; self-demand; the possibility of injury; conflicts between daily life and skiing; among others, and how we respond to these realities reflects the difference between been a successful or an unsuccessful skier.
Self-evaluations and negative feelings that make up self-criticism generally arise in skiers who believe that this is the way to achieve good performance. Those who use this repressive mechanism should explore their critical Self, paying attention to what is being said and the negative emotions it generates, and be able to replace it with a compassionate Self. Recognition of this harmful phenomenon is the first step in initiating a self-compassionate and a self-correction process to alleviate the consequences.
In general, our critical Self uses hurtful and disparaging language, resisting the abandonment of such behavior. This is due to a widespread belief that in order to improve it is necessary to be hard on ourselves and exaggeratedly self-critical in order to achieve our goals. Accepting one’s mistakes, being kind to oneself, and forgiving oneself are seen as signs of weakness that undermine the motivation to achieve one’s goals.
Realistic self-evaluation means focusing on our shortcomings as well as our strengths. While positive thinking can generate confidence, optimism, and elevate our strengths, we tend to evaluate our weaknesses which, along with obstacles, are interpreted as threats to future successes. If we also apply excessive self-criticism because we believe that this is the way it should be in pursuit of self-improvement, this can affect our motivation and our progress towards the intended goals.
Excessive self-criticism is known to be a factor that tends to lead to the abandonment of a recreational or competitive activity. Adopting a self-compassionate attitude is a constructive way of facing challenges and overcoming our weaknesses. By using it, we are prepared to cope with the anxiety of a demanding situation, to manage challenging performances and eventual failures, and to resolve the negative feelings caused by a possible injury.
Self-compassion also collaborates with the generation and reinforcement of courage in terms of adapting and adjusting to each situation. Gradually exposing ourselves to challenging skiing situations in generally avoided contexts, which provoke intense experiences, will assist in the development of courage. If we demonstrate bravery, we tend to be committed to action because we possess this tool for coping with negative emotions that momentary failures provoke, helping us to keep trying rather than giving up and quitting altogether. Being a self-compassionate skier means having fewer negative feelings and thoughts during coping with these circumstances and reduced self-criticism in the face of mistakes.
Self-compassion becomes necessary at the time of technical evolution, taking responsibility for our own behavior. It does not refer to our condescension or indulgence but to the courage to objectively observe the reality of the situation and make the decision to keep trying, instead of remaining with destructive self-criticism or unsuccessful passivity.
The ski instructor and coach, in their roles as sports therapists, can convey the benefits of this practice so that the learner or athlete with excessive self-criticism will consider adopting a self-compassionate perspective as a caring attitude toward himself through mindfulness toward kind thoughts and judgments, thus activating their own calming mechanism.
For some of us, being self-compassionate is perceived as being selfish, but in reality it is an aspect of personality that pays off because it contributes to healthy sports practice. As self-compassionate skiers, we tend to interpret our deficiencies not as fixed and immovable but as manageable and improvable aspects; promoting self-motivation; being prone to greater effort after failure; and socially comparing ourselves with successful skiers.
Negative emotions that arise as detrimental effects of mistakes made and frustrations about underachievement affect our future skiing performances in a vicious cycle. Some of us may be convinced that we must feel this way after making mistakes or what we consider to be failures. This reasoning stems from a false belief because, otherwise, it would mean that we are not interested in performing well, which is a fallacy that causes great harm to our psychological well-being. In contrast, self-pity is an emotionally positive attitude that protects against the negative consequences of critical self-evaluation and demeaning social comparison.
Being self-compassionate also indicates a tendency to show compassion to others. The instructor or coach who is self-compassionate is likely to demonstrate kindness by reassuring learners or athletes that making mistakes is human, promoting focus on skill improvement and encouraging efforts toward goals. Conversely, the overly self-critical professional tends to be self-critical of others, reproaching mistakes and pointing out others’ failures.
Paul Gilbert, clinical psychologist and writer, proposes three emotion regulatory systems. The first system is emotionally negative: it is the threat and protection system, in which interaction with threats triggers survival mechanisms associated with negative emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, and aversion. The second system is the drive and exaltation system, which motivates action that grants satisfactions and rewards such as success, power, or status. Finally, the gratification, calming, and connection system is activated to relieve stress and promote sympathy, empathy, and compassion. These last two systems are characterized by emitting positive emotions. This author argues that this system is stimulated by self-compassion, collaborating in the inhibition of the protection and threat mechanism. He postulates that this regulatory model of emotions works appropriately when the person allows a flexible interaction between the last two systems and, on the contrary, becomes inflexible when self-criticizing and self-blaming, allowing himself to be trapped in the downward spiral of the threat and protection system.
Research has determined that if we practice self-compassion we are less afraid of making mistakes and, when we do, we simply try again because we are aware of our weaknesses and do not judge them negatively but as an aspect that is part of our nature. High levels of self-compassion are associated with increased happiness, optimism, and curiosity while decreasing anxiety, negative thoughts, and fear of failure, according to Kristin Neff. When fearing the effects of failure, we inhibit the ability to push our own limits, to take risks, or even to try. On the other hand, acceptance of personal failure tends to promote motivation for self-improvement.
The self-compassionate process works like this:
- First we experience a difficulty.
- Then acknowledge the situation and let the feelings and thoughts surface, but without judgment.
- We then engage through a healthy attitude toward ourselves through kind and motivating self-talk, reducing the initial tendency to destructive self-criticism.
- We proceed with self-motivation and commitment to solve circumstances by asking ourselves about what we need to do and thus approach our goals by overcoming momentary adversity.
